They say a picture is worth a thousand words?

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…

Really?

I mean, I guess that makes sense. 

But isn’t it also true that said “thousand words” could be very different from two different people?

From two different perspectives?

What does this picture say to you?

From the outside looking in…

I will “pretend” I am you and do just that.

{this is me being you}

Oh look at that smile.

So pure.

So sweet. 

Still in pj’s, so it’s probably morning and it looks like someone just got a good night’s sleep.

Hugging on his mama.

I see that smile on her too.

This is a sweet moment mama obviously wanted to capture with a picture.

Such a happy boy…

Surely adoption isn't easy, but he appears to be adjusting so well. 

I am so happy for them.

{insert me back in the picture, no pun intended}

Oh look at that smile.

(He does have a great smile and this is the Francis I love being around most.)

Most?

What does she mean by that statement?

So pure.

(It most certainly is pure…not a made up smile just for a picture, not this time.)

So sweet.

(Sweet isn’t a word I would use here, maybe cute. It is true, he most certainly is cute.)

Still in pj’s, so it’s probably morning and it looks like someone just got a good night’s sleep.

(That has definitely been a saving grace for us, always getting a full night’s sleep. Rest is NOT overrated people, it’s a MUST!)

Hugging on his mama.

(This isn’t normal, but I am grateful for the hugs regardless of how I get them.)

How she gets them?

I see that smile on her too.

(My smile is pure as well.)

As in it’s not always pure?

This is a sweet moment mama obviously wanted to capture with a picture.

(You damn right on that comment.)

Such a happy boy…

(Happy is relative here, happy is fleeting, happy doesn’t come easily.)

Surely adoption isn't easy, but he appears to be adjusting so well. 

(Adoption is HARD! Our eyes can lie to ourselves. Adjustment has been & continues to be extremely difficult.)

I am so happy for them.

(I have moments of joy followed by moments of extreme exhaustion from feelings that overwhelm me, followed by moments of anger, followed by moments sadness, followed by moments of helplessness, followed by moments of depletion and a host of other feelings that seem to encircle one another all at the same time, on a daily basis. And THIS, my friends is the truth about adoption.)

FASTFORWARD A FEW MONTHS…

A lot of LIFE has happened since I wrote the above post.

But this post has been haunting me and I need to finish it.

Maybe it was too much to deal with, maybe I got too busy…

Reality is it was probably a little of both.

Writing it down makes it more real for me.

And writing, as therapuetic as it can be, can also be difficult.

Adoption looks different for everyone because guess what?

Everyone is different.

BUT…the trauma is REAL.

And that is not unique to specific individuals.

If you are an adoptive family, there is trauma.

And trauma is hard to put your hands around.

It’s inside of us and comes out in various ways…

Sometimes very scary, very sad ways.

My Francis, has felt the brunt of trauma that has come out in ways too personal to share in a blog.

Lets just say, it has been strenuous and heart breaking for him as well as all of us in our tribe.

I look at this picture and see that broken child.

FASTFORWARD A FEW MORE MONTHS…

That hug you see in this pic?

They are starting to come a little more these days.

Not daily.

If I desire a hug, I must seek it out on my own and it can be short lived.

BUT…

Every so often, this little boy just comes straight up to me and wraps those beautiful brown arms around me (his mama) and I have to catch my breath every time.

WHY?

Because it’s taken TWO years to get to this point.

TWO YEARS PEOPLE!

TWO - LONG & HARD YEARS!

Yes, Long and Hard are the adjectives I use because I am a straight shooter.

I hate to use the word hate, but…

I hate when people try to pretend shit doesn’t hit the fan because it does!

I share this to be honest with my journey and the "heavy" that comes from adoption.

I share this to show the joy of the fruit of adoption…even if it is tortoise slow.

Today I smile looking at this picture.

I didn’t always do that during the past 8 months…

It is GOOD to reflect.

And part of me is grateful I wasn’t able to finish this post months ago.

It’s a sweet reminder of the work that continues to be done in the life of my son and in mine.